


Same place, next year

by MMWalker2021



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman, Same time next year (film/play)
Genre: M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MMWalker2021/pseuds/MMWalker2021
Summary: This is a work of fiction using the characters of Oliver and Elio but placing them in the plot of the film Same Time Next Year. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did creating it.
Relationships: Oliver/Elio Perlman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Two lonely people

1)  
Oliver arrived at the Seacliff Inn of Carmel near Mendacino and checked in quickly. He loved this quaint little inn, with it's individual cottages along with the main lodge. The cabin he usually stayed in had a sweeping view of the Pacific Ocean and was situated on a high bluff with an unobstructed view of the sea. Torrey pines dotted the grounds here and there adding a picturesque quality to anywhere you looked.  
Mr. Chambers, the caretaker asked " Can I take your bags to your cabin Mr. A?"  
"That would be wonderful Mr. Chambers, thank you." Oliver replied. " Is the restaurant open today?"  
"It sure is Mr. A, it opens at 5."  
Oliver and Mr. Chambers carried the luggage to the smart and trim cabin that was closest to the ocean. Mr. Chambers opened the door, pushed it wide open and carried the suitcase inside. He placed it on the folding luggage rack against the far wall and asked, " Is there anything else you need?"  
" No thank you. I think I have everything I need."  
"Have a nice stay Mr. A, it is good to see you this year." He left Oliver and shut the door behind him.  
He looked around the familiar room. The cabin was just one common open space separated by a step down with a railing into the tastefully appointed sitting area. A large bathroom completed the layout.  
In the sleeping area was a large king size bed. It was a new experience for Oliver, as he was used to the oversized double his wife insisted on because it was "cozy". For Oliver it was damned uncomfortable. His 6'4" frame barely fit into the thing and his wife moved so much in her sleep it was like sleeping in a cement mixer. He hardly slept a wink since he married Helen 7 years ago. He loved this yearly trip. He loved the quiet, the view, the work but most of all the space that bed provided for a peaceful and relaxing sleep. Helen thought the purchase of such a small bed was romantic but in actuality it killed any romance. It wasn't romantic to be constantly getting hit with knees or elbows and having " Honey, you are on my hair." whispered to you every 10 minutes.  
He came to Carmel each year to do the books for a dear old friend who was his first client after he became an accountant. He came to this beautiful California spot each year long before he even met Helen. This weekend was his to relax with just numbers, to relax without noise, talking and constantly listening to the endless unimportant chatter of Helen.  
He started to unpack and grabbed his shaving kit and took it into the bathroom. As he unpacked the leather pouch, he looked at his reflection in the mirror over the sink. He saw a face with a strong bone structure, medium blonde hair that had a tendency to wave if he didn't put a little Brylcream on it, sapphire blue eyes surrounded by lashes that were very dark brown. His skin had taken on that amber glow that it did every summer from his regular seasonal duties such as mowing the lawn. Helen and he lived in New Jersey, they moved into their first apartment right after they married. The apartment was drafty and drab but Helen had the decorating bug. He had nightmares of laying in his coffin some day and have Helen thrown in two fabric swatches and say " So which one do you like?"  
At 31 years old he was still boyish and his body still had the blush and build of youth. He was proud of the fact he was still at his college weight and regularly worked out in the gymnasium at the Y.  
He turned away from the mirror and headed back into the bedroom. He hung in the closet the two suits he had with him, socks and underwear in a drawer and the folded dress shirts in another. Once all his things were put away and the suitcase stashed in the closet, he could finally relax.  
Oliver used the four days he spent at the inn to his full advantage, three days of relaxing and just one day of work. He was so familiar with the books of his friend's company, he could do the entire thing in an hour.  
Oliver flopped down on the bed and lay spread eagle across it's expanse. Ahhhhhhh... he sighed, this is the life and quickly fell asleep.


	2. A dinner for two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver has dinner and desires more than a meal.

2)  
He awoke a few hours later just as the sun was beginning to set. He opened the french doors that had a spectacular view of the horizon and watched the sunset. After the sunset turned to twilight, he dressed for dinner in a tweed jacket and a pair of camel colored wool trousers. A crisp white shirt, open throated completed the look. He made his way to the restaurant in the main lodge. The host asked " Party of one?" Oliver answered " One person does not a party make but yes just one." He smiled. The host smiled back with a vague expression of confusion, grabbed a menu off the podium and seated Oliver next to the windows that curved outward. If it was still daylight he would have a wonderful ocean view. He began to peruse the menu and his stomach growled. He looked around the restaurant at the other tables reflected in the dark glass of the windows and noticed a rather handsome man shyly look at him and then look away as soon as Oliver looked back. The waiter returned with a glass of water and Oliver asked if it would be ok to move so his back wasn't to the room. " That would be perfectly fine, Sir." Oliver moved to the other chair facing the room and he began to read the menu, occasionally glancing over in the direction of the other man. Oliver noted he was dark headed with wavy hair worn longer than was fashionable, strong jawbones, with a pointed chin and eyes that looked hazel and greenish in the soft room lighting.  
He ordered a steak, medium rare and a baked potato. The man across from him ordered his meal and nursed a drink he was nearly finished with.  
Oliver called over the waiter and said, "Could you send a drink to the man at that table over there?"  
"What would you like to send, Sir?"  
"Whatever he is currently drinking is fine."  
"Very good, Sir."  
A few moments later, the drink was delivered to him and after a momentary confusion, the waiter pointed in Oliver's direction. Once the waiter moved away, Oliver raised his glass in a mock toast, the guy grinned and returned the gesture. They both watched each other occasionally over the rim of their glasses and an emotion came over Oliver that he had never experienced before. He had no explanation for it but he felt drawn to the man across the room. Images crossed his consciousness, images of lips, skin, heat, passion, and need. It was completely confusing for Oliver, because he had never felt any of that before for anyone, including Helen.  
He pushed the thoughts from his mind and waited for his steak dinner to arrive. It finally did and as Oliver was looking down and preparing his baked potato with the accompaniments served with it, a man's voice asked, " Please, can I join you? I hate to eat alone."  
Oliver looked up with every intention of saying no but he ended up looking into the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen.  
" Um, sure, please join me."  
The man got the waiter's attention and mimed that he was moving to Oliver's table.  
" Thanks, my name is Elio." He extended his hand to Oliver.  
" Very nice to meet you Elio, please sit down."  
Elio sat across from Oliver at the small table and a moment later, an identical meal to Oliver's was delivered by the waiter.  
"Well, Oliver it looks like we both like a nice piece of meat." Elio laughed with not a hint of guile.  
Oliver felt the heat rise into his face at the perceived double entendre and replied " And potatoes too."  
Elio threw his head back and chucked at his comment and smiled " Oh a clever one. "


	3. The king size bed celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The king size bed celebration and a baked Alaska dessert.

3)  
Oliver and Elio chatted and ate and then ordered a dessert to share. A small flaming baked alaska soon arrived at their table. Elio clapped with enthusiasm and asked. " Fancy, fancy, what's the occasion?"  
" The king size bed celebration. "  
"Good god, what's that?" Elio laughed.  
Oliver told him about his bed at home and the pleasure of this same weekend every year and the king size bed that came with it.  
Elio smiled with twinkling eyes that Oliver got lost in every time he looked into them. As Elio spoke he used his hands for emphasis and his wedding ring shimmered in the light.  
Oliver wondered why he felt a twinge of disappointment in finding that Elio was obviously married. He was married too so why did he suddenly feel jealous of a person he didn't know?  
"That sounds like the best celebration ever." Elio smiled as Oliver sliced into the baked alaska.  
Elio called the waiter over and ordered a pot of coffee and asked Oliver if he would like to share it, he agreed and said " Love to, I don't feel like going to bed, ...yet." He looked into Elio's green eyes and lost himself momentarily. He quickly recovered and looked away.  
Elio poured a cup for Oliver and one for himself, then asked, " Any sugar?"  
Oliver shook his head no and took a sip from his coffee cup.  
"So Elio, tell me about yourself, you're married, so I gather. "  
They chatted about their lives all through the night and both Elio and Oliver began to feel an attraction that went beyond the physical. It was as if they were two halves of one person who had been searching for someone to complete them.  
" Well Oliver, I must go." Elio said with remorse.  
" Do you have to?" Oliver replied.  
" Unfortunately, yes, I do."  
" I will walk you to your car." Oliver smiled with a touch of sadness.  
Elio insisted on paying for his half of dinner over the protestations of Oliver and they left the restuarant.  
The moon was at it's half phase and lit the parking lot with a silvery glow. They walked to Elio's car in silence and Oliver began to walk slowly to make this moment last.  
" So long Oliver, it was very nice meeting you."  
"Later." Oliver said and turned to go. As he heard the car door unlock, he turned back to Elio and said, " Stay with me."  
" I really don't think I should. " Elio replied.  
" Please?" Oliver asked as if asking a question.


	4. Morning wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next morning

4)  
Oliver swam out of sleep and felt a warm soft weight on his chest. He looked down and realized it was an arm, flung casually across his chest. He followed the arm to the shoulder and finally to the face. Elio from last night was asleep and curled up against his side. He carefully lifted the arm as to not disturb the sleeping man and suddenly Elio rolled away with the blankets and sheet wrapped around him. Oliver discovered he was completely naked, and memories of the night before came blazing back. Lips and kisses and lust and passion and fumbling with buttons and stripping off clothing. Suddenly in bed, on top of Elio, Oliver’s eyes widened with the realization of what had actually transpired hit him and he mouthed " OH MY GOD."  
He looked around the room and saw a shirt here, pants thrown over the back of the sofa, boxers slung on a chair. He recognized his clothing and the rest must belong to Elio. He fished the boxers off the chair with his toes and slipped them on. He got carefully out of the bed and looked around in panic. He could only find one shoe and one sock. He looked under the bed and finally located the other shoe; it was on the side where Elio still slept.  
He crawled around to the other side of the bed and reached under the bed to grab his shoe. He pulled it from under the bed and as he started to stand up he saw Elio’s green eyes looking into his blue ones.  
“Hey that’s a sharp looking outfit you have on.” Elio smiled.  
“Um…h h Hi.” Oliver stammered.  
Elio yawned and asked, “What time is it?”  
“My watch is on the bedside table over there.” Oliver pointed to the watch.  
Elio rolled over to look at the watch and bared the entirety of his back side down to his ankles and Oliver turned quickly away and began to pull on his undershirt.  
“Oh wow, it says ten to eleven, it’s so late  
“No, it is actually it is only twenty-five after seven. It’s always three hours and twenty- five minutes fast.”  
“Why?” Elio asked.  
“I got it back from the watch repair place like that and just never changed it.”  
“That would really mix me up.” Elio laughed.  
“I am very good with figures, always have been.” Oliver replied.  
“But what about other people?”  
“It’s my watch!” Oliver blurted out.  
“Don’t get sore.”  
“Sorry but that came out more harshly that I intended.” Oliver apologized. “Leo, we are in a lot of trouble.”  
“Really?” Elio quizzed and sat up. “Can you turn around and talk to me like a human being?”  
“ Oh God, why do you have to look so----so luminous?”  
“What do you mean by that?” Elio asked.  
“This would be so much easier if you woke up with bed creases and gunk in the corner of your eye or even a bit of drool at the corner of your mouth like most people.”  
“I guess God figured a skinny butt was enough of a handicap.” Elio giggled.  
“Look this thing is just not going to go away Leo. We’ve got to talk about it.”  
“Elio.”  
“What?”  
“My name is Elio not Leo.”  
“Why didn’t you say something earlier? Did I call you Leo all night?”  
“No, only since we got to the room and I didn’t expect to end up like this. Then when I tried to tell you—you weren’t listening.”  
‘When was that?” Oliver asked.  
“In the middle of …things. Look, let’s make this easy, you call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine?”  
Oliver sits in the chair across from the bed in just boxers, an undershirt and one sock. “It was incredible, wasn’t it!” Oliver sighs.  
“It was –Nice…especially the last time.”  
“I know, I was like an animal.” Oliver boasted. “I don’t know what came over me it was---what was the matter with the other two times?”  
“What?” Elio asked “Oh—well the first time was just so fast and the second--- look I feel funny talking about this.”  
“It was a very beautiful thing we did Elio, there was nothing dirty or disgusting in what we did.” Oliver replied.  
“Then why do you look like someone just peed in your cornflakes?”  
“Because my wife is going to kill me.”  
“You are being silly.” Elio smiled “How will she find out.”  
“She already knows.”  
Elio jumps out of the bed and wraps the sheet around his naked body, “I thought you said she was in New Jersey?”  
“She is, but she knows.”  
“How?”  
“Look I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“Fine by me.” Elio replied. “I need to clean my teeth.” He heads into the bathroom, leaving the door open.  
“Was it as incredible for you as it was for me?”  
A gargling noise came from the bathroom followed by a spit and the sink running, then Elio shuts the bathroom door. Oliver is oblivious to all of this and continues talking through the closed door.  
“See I was a virgin when I got married, technically at least.” Oliver said.  
“What do you mean, “technically”?” Elio asks returning from the bathroom.  
“Well, Helen was pregnant, but I don’t count that.”  
“Oliver, sweetie, that counts.” Elio replied and patted Oliver’s arm.  
“Yes but she was the one I married I mean.”  
“It still counts.”  
“It turns out she gets pregnant if we drink out of the same cup.”  
“You know Trojans are very reliable.” Elio suggested.  
“Who?”  
“Never mind.” Elio rolls his eyes.  
“We’re in a mess of trouble.”  
“I still don’t understand why.” Elio replied.  
“I think I love you.” Oliver said quietly.  
“Look Oliver, let’s not start something we can’t finish.”  
“It may be too late for that.” Oliver began. “It’s crazy, totally and completely crazy, I don’t even know if you have even read catcher in the rye.”  
“What?” Elio laughed.  
“I have this thing about literature and reading.”  
“Oh, I never even finished high school.” Elio said while putting on his shirt.  
“You see? I don’t even care and I’m a real snob about education.” During this entire conversation Oliver has been absently mindedly putting on his clothes and completely oblivious that Elio is doing the same thing. “ There’s something I didn’t tell you about me, Elio. When it comes to life, I have a brown thumb.”  
“What?” Elio asks while putting on his pants.  
“Let me paint you a picture.” Oliver starts. “I was 18 when I first had sex with Helen, we were in the back of a parked car and WHAMO, rear ended right in the middle of it.”  
“Oh that’s terrible, did you have insurance?” Elio facetiously asks. “Do you think that is how Helen got pregnant?”  
“Do you know what was on the radio as we were making love last night? “If I Knew You Were Coming I’d Have Baked A Cake.”  
“So?”  
“So that is going to be “Our” song.” Oliver said with frustration. “Other people get “Hello young lovers” Or “Be My Love” and I get a song about pastry.”  
“Well, cake isn’t really a pastry, but I understand what you mean.” Elio smiles. “We are going to have a song? You’re cute when you get all romantic.” He looks in the mirror to tie his tie.  
“What about you Elio? I have fallen in love with you and of all the luck I am MARRIED.”  
“You don’t have to shout, Oliver, I am not deaf.” Elio turns from the mirror and collects his change from the dresser. “Are you Italian?”  
“No, I’m Jewish, the result of a very strict upbringing.”  
“Is that why you feel so guilty?”  
“What? No, don’t you feel guilty?” Oliver asked.  
“Are you kidding?” Elio laughed. “Half my Hebrew school became rabbis.”  
“You know they have laws about this sort of thing.”  
“Yes, Oliver, I am quite aware of the laws in California.” Elio frowned. “Could we please stop talking abut that, it is only making you feel worse.”  
Oliver, now dressed, collapses on the bed. “I feel like slitting my wrists.”  
“Are you Irish?” Elio asks.  
Oliver sits up again, “What’s with you and nationalities?”  
“You are just so emotional.” Elio starts putting on his shoes.  
“I happen to be a C.P.A., I can be just as logical and unemotional as the next person.”  
“I never would have pegged you as an accountant.”  
“It’s simple really, my whole life has always been a mess and figures are the only things that come out right. Nice and tidy, I like that.” Oliver explained.” What are you?”  
“French and Italian,”  
“Why aren’t you more emotional?”  
“When you grow up in a Italian and Jewish family, you get turned off on emotion for life.” Elio laughed.  
“I wondered why you weren’t getting emotional or yelling or something.”  
“Oh, I got up early and did that all in the John.”  
“Crying?”  
“No, yelling.”  
“I didn’t hear you.”  
“I stuffed a towel in my mouth because you were still sleeping.”  
“Elio, you are so thoughtful.” Oliver looked into Elio’s eyes and looked away. “ I keep thinking of my marriage vows and the faces of our children and the trust our wives place in us. The fact that we are two decent people and this could tear us apart, but while I am thinking that, I have this fantastic hard on.”  
“I really wish you hadn’t said that.”  
“I just think we should be totally honest with each other, Elio.”  
“No, it’s not that but I am the canter at the synagogue this afternoon.”  
“You want to know what’s funny about all this?”  
“No, tell me Oliver, I could use a good laugh before I go.”  
“I had a friend once that told me that he preferred the wine, to the label and sometimes he drinks white and sometimes he drinks red. I never understood that comment until now.” Oliver takes Elio’s hand. ‘Do you understand what I am saying?”  
“He was a wino?”  
Oliver releases Elio’s hand and runs his hands through his hair, “Elio, you missed the whole point.”  
“What is your point?”  
Oliver pulls Elio toward him and says passionately, “I have to go to bed with you right now!”  
“Oliver, we can’t”  
“Why Not?”  
“Oliver, It will just make you feel worse afterward.”  
“No it won’t, I’m over all that now, and I just remembered, the Russians have the bomb, we could all die tomorrow.”  
Elio pulls out of the embrace, “Oliver, you are clutching at straws now.”  
Oliver pulls him back into his arms and says, “Don’t you understand, we are two grown up people who have nothing to be scared or ashamed of.”  
There is a sharp rap on the door and Oliver springs away from Elio. And they quickly start making the bed and Oliver finishes getting his shoes on. Elio tosses his jacket to him and looks for a place to hide.  
“Don’t go in the bathroom, that is the first place they will look.”  
Elio makes it out the French door and Oliver spies the lubricant on the table and quickly stuffs it in his pocket with the pump sticking out.  
“I’m coming, just a sec.” Oliver calls and steps out on the porch.  
Elio comes back in from the French doors and heads to the bathroom to hide.  
“Thanks for the breakfast Mr. Chambers.” He comes back with a tray and shuts the door.” Elio it’s ok, it was just old Mr. Chambers with my breakfast. Elio? Elio, where are you?” He looks out the French doors and calls quietly “Elio?”  
Elio sneaks up behind Oliver and says in a deep voice “It’s the police, we got you surrounded.”  
Oliver jumps and almost drops the tray, “It’s ok, I was very calm.”  
“Oh, you mean he didn’t ask about the lube?”  
“What lube?” Elio points to the pump sticking out of Oliver's pocket.  
“I wonder what old Mr. Chambers thought about that?” Oliver exclaimed. “He probably thinks I’m a pervert.”  
“Well aren’t we all just a little bit?” Elio laughed. “Why do you care anyway?”  
“I stay here every year.”  
“Oh, so I am not the first pick-up at this hotel?” Elio smiled.  
“What? Oh, no, no, no, one-hundred percent work related I swear.” Oliver grinned and explained the situation.  
“So, you come here all the way from New Jersey?  
“It’s a sentimental thing.”  
“Oh, can I have my lube back?”  
Oliver hands the lube back to Elio who places it into his overnight bag.  
“Oliver, I really have to go but I am ravenous, can I have some of your breakfast?”  
“Sure, Sure, go right ahead I am not hungry.. Elio, can I tell you something?” Oliver begins. “ I may seem glib and smooth sexually but this is the first time I have done this since I got married.”  
“Oh sure.” Elio replied tearing into a piece of toast. “I could tell.”  
“Really, I am no good at superficial affairs and I have to be able to really like the person---What do you mean, You could tell?”  
“What?” Elio said with his mouth full of toast. He swallowed and continued. “Oh, I don’t know---the way you tried to take your pants off over your shoes and then fell over and hit your head on the nightstand. Little things like that.”  
“It is so nice being totally honest with another person. Elio I have not been totally honest with you. I told you I was a married man with two children.”  
“You’re not?”  
“I’m a married man with three children.”  
“Why lie about that?”  
“I thought it would make me seem less married.”  
“You want some of this coffee?” Elio asks.  
“Sure, yea why not.”  
Oliver and Elio continue to chat over the light breakfast. Oliver can feel himself relax around Elio and he is becoming more and more attracted to Elio as time passes.  
“So, when you understand the reason why something happens, it makes it easier to understand.”  
“Elio, do you believe in love at first sight?” Oliver asks.  
Elio thought about it for a moment and gave it careful consideration before he answered


	5. 5 Kids, lies and breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What are we going to do now?

5)  
Elio sipped his coffee and thought about Oliver’s question. Was there such a thing as love at first sight? He didn’t think so. Lust maybe, but not love. Oliver looked stricken and said, “do you agree with me or not?”  
“I’m thinking---no.” and Elio went back to chewing his toast.  
“You mean to tell me that two total strangers cannot look across a room at each other and suddenly have this irrational desire to possess and desire each other in every possible way?”  
“That wasn’t the question you asked, Oliver.” Elio responded. “In answer to that question, yes that can happen.” He pushed his eggs with his toast and paused with the fork halfway to his mouth. He noticed Oliver was watching in rapt attention. “What?”  
“Nothing.” Oliver replied with a sigh and a smile, “I just love the way you eat.”  
“You must have really enjoyed last night at dinner then.” Elio laughed. “Why did you send over that drink anyway?”  
“You looked so lonely and you had crumbs on your lapels and spots of water on your tie.” Oliver reminisced.  
“So, you thought I looked homeless or unkempt?”  
“Oh no, stunning, I am attracted to imperfections. They make people more human and approachable.” Oliver explained. “Sort of why I like plays over movies, there is no second take. You get what you got.”  
“Oliver you are truly a good person, flawed, perhaps, but a truly good person.”  
Oliver sips his coffee and contemplates the complement. “So, what are you doing here?”  
“I go to a Jewish men’s retreat near here every year on this weekend.”  
“To meditate?”  
“Sort of.” Elio explains, “See Maritza, my wife got pregnant before we got married. So, this is my atonement, I don’t know what I am trying to say. Sometimes I think I am going crazy.”  
“Why is that?”  
“I have sex one time with someone I didn’t even really like that much and suddenly I am the father of three kids, living in a 2 bedroom duplex in downtown Oakland, I have a nine year old car that is almost paid for and a house full of furniture that is all financed at low interest. The only fun I have is going bowling once a week. I mean what could anyone ask for?” Elio said sarcastically.  
“I’m sorry.” Oliver replies.  
“What do you have to be sorry for? I am almost twenty-five and still feel ---well---half formed. I have told you things today that I have never said, even to myself.”  
“I noticed it too, we had instant rapport. Did you notice that too?”  
“Not really, but I do know we really hit it off. Do you want some more coffee?”  
Oliver shakes his head and says, “ So where are your wife and kids while you are at this retreat?”  
“They go to Bakersfield for Maritza’s mothers birthday.”  
“She doesn’t mind you not being there?”  
“Nah, she hates me, because I got her little girl pregnant.”  
“But her daughter had something to do with that too.” Oliver reminded him.  
“She blocks that part out of her mind. You see, Maritza was in her first month of dental hygienist school and had to drop out to get a job to help support us. You don’t make much money selling waterless cookware. So, she…” He looks at Oliver’s worried face. “What?”  
“Look we are naturally curious about each other’s wives but rather than dwell on it and have it spoil everything, why don’t we do this? I tell you two stores one showing her best side and one her worst and you do the same, deal?”  
“Ok, but let’s make it quick because I really have to go.”  
“I’ll go first.”  
“Why?” Elio asked.  
“Because I already have my story prepared.”  
“Ok.” Elio sits cross-legged on the bed. “Shoot.”  
“Helen knows about us.”  
“You said that before, how could she possibly know?”  
“Because she has this thing in her head.”  
“You mean like a plate? I had this uncle who was in an accident and they had to put in this steel plate, he says he can always tell when it is going to rain.”  
“Oh God, I am in so much trouble.” Oliver moaned.  
“Why?” Elio smiled.  
“Because I find everything you say absolutely fascinating!” he looks dreamy for a moment.  
“Come on, tell me about your wife’s steel plate.” Elio says with the eagerness of a little boy examining a bug in a jar.  
“No, it is not a plate it is more like a bell.” Oliver explains “I could be a million miles away and If I show the least bit of attraction for anyone else, that bell goes off like the bells of a fire station. I know last night at 1:22 am she sat bolt upright in bed with her head going ding, ding, ding, ding.”  
“How do you know it was exactly 1:22?” Elio asked.  
“I have peripheral vision and my watch said 4:47.”  
“That’s crazy.”  
“Ok, I happen to have a few personality quirks but I happen to like my watch…”  
“No, honey, I meant your wife’s bell.”  
“Look I know it is an imaginary bell but it is real to me.”  
“Now tell me the other story, is this one about her buzzer?” Elio giggles.  
“What? Oh, you mean the good story. She made me believe in myself.”  
“How did she do that?” Elio asked.  
“She married me.” Oliver responded.  
“Yes, that was very nice of her to do that. Ah um, I mean bolstering you up and all.”  
“Ok your turn. Tell me the worst story first.”  
“Sure um…ah hum.” Elio concentrates “This is so hard.”  
“To pick one?”  
“No, to think of one, Maritza is the salt of the earth, everyone says so.”  
Oliver looks stricken and Elio is wracking his brain to come up with something anything.  
“Here’s one” Elio begins. “It was our third anniversary and we had a few friends over, Maritza doesn’t usually drink but that night she had three beers. Well anyway, I was heading to the kitchen and I overheard her tell the other wives that she never was in love, or never felt love, or something like that.”  
Oliver looks stricken and frowns.  
“I know she didn’t mean to hurt me—Maritza would never intentionally hurt anyone but well it hurt, ya know? You are the only person I ever told that to.”  
“I hate her.” Oliver wipes his eye with the back of his hand.  
“Now, here is the good story.”  
“I would prefer you didn’t. I got a nice little hate going here.” Oliver turns away and sits on the sofa and puts his feet up. “Ok go ahead.”  
“Well Maritza is real strong, Not a big girl but real strong.”  
“I really wish you hadn’t told me that.” Oliver looks a little wary.  
“Why? Oh, don’t worry.” Elio laughs “She’s as gentle as a puppy. Well anyway, she was trying to find something to occupy our four year old Tony while I was painting the house. So she gets this bright idea to go fly a kite in the park. It was a windless day, not so much as a ripple. After a while Tony got bored and went back to the car and an hour later I happen to pass by on my way to the paint store and there’s Tony asleep in the car and Maritza is red faced and out of breath, pounding her way back and forth across the grass with this huge kite dragging on the ground behind her.”  
“Wow.” Oliver responds.  
“It just really got to me you know.”  
“Helen has some great qualities too. I contemplated last night about giving you a fake name for her, I was afraid you would try to look me up or something.” Oliver puts his feet down again.  
“Is your real name Oliver?” Elio asks.  
“I would be crazy to give you a fake name.”  
Elio sits beside Oliver on the sofa and says, “Well honey, you are pretty crazy.”  
“Isn’t it funny, here we are in a hotel, gazing into each other’s eyes and we are both married with 6 kids between us.”  
“Hey you got pictures?” Elio asks.  
“Pictures of what?”  
“Your kids, silly goose.” Oliver looks worried but Elio says “Oh, come on, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He gets up and goes to his shaving kit. “I keep them right here in this little folder we got free from Kodak.”  
Elio comes back and hands Oliver the folder and says “Ok, let me see yours.” Oliver leers at him. “The pictures Oliver. The pictures, stay focused.”  
“Here you have to take the whole wallet.” Oliver hands him a thick wallet.  
“Awww, they’re cute. Is the one with the baggy tights and glasses the oldest?”  
“Yea.” Oliver looks at the photo. “That’s Michael. Funny looking kid, isn’t he?”  
“No, Oliver he is adorable. Does he want to be superman?”  
“No, Peter Pan. It worries me sometimes.” He holds up one of the photos from Elio’s folder and asks, “Why is this kids face all scrunched?”  
“Oh, that’s Paul, It was taken on a rollercoaster. Isn’t it natural? He threw up right after that.”  
“I guess he looks like Maritza?”  
“Both of us really. What is your little girls name?”  
“Debbie.” Oliver told him. “That was taken on her second birthday and we were trying to get her to blow out the candles.  
“She had icing all over her hands.” Elio laughs.  
“Neatness is not her strong suit.”  
“You have great looking kids, Oliver.” He hands the wallet back  
“So do you Elio.” He returns the folder and as he touches Elio’s hand he says, “Oh, Elio.”  
‘Yea?” Elio says absentmindedly.  
Oliver sighs breathlessly and rolls his eyes to the bed.  
“Oh, Ok, but this is the last time.” Elio says with exasperation.


	6. Five years later in 1960

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elio and Oliver have been meeting in this same weekend at the same place for the last 5 years. Subtle changes have taken place in those five years but their passion hasn't.

6)  
Oliver is at the Inn once again and is hanging a banner over the piano that says “Happy 5th Anniversary “ He is now thirty-two and still looks the same. He is bustling around the room laying out a cake, plates, utensils and chilled champagne.  
“Oliver? What’s the hold up.”  
“Just a second, I’ll tell you when to come out.” He sits at the piano and says “Ok, Now!”  
Elio enters and is dressed sharply in a fashionable black tux. His hair is shorter now and he looks more trim and confident. Oliver starts playing and singing “If I Knew You Were Coming I’d Have Baked A Cake” Elio does a complete turn like a fashion model.  
Oliver stops playing and embraces Elio. “Happy anniversary, Elio, my love. Now cut the cake and make a wish.”  
“I only ever have one wish, Oliver.”  
“What’s that?”  
“That you keep showing up every year.” Elio kisses Oliver on the neck.  
‘I am really surprised that you do. I was really surprised that second year. But then I had less confidence in my animal attraction back then.”  
“Bragging, bragging, bragging.” Elio laughs.  
They sit on the sofa and start their yearly catching up session, it always helps breaking the ice after a year apart.  
“How are things at home, Elio?”  
“We moved to the suburbs. It has been so exciting, next week they are connecting the sewers, we are throwing a barbeque. Not exactly the life of Scott and Zelda but we’ll survive.”  
Oliver looks at Elio with surprise, “You started reading?”  
“Oh you don’t know the half of it, I joined the Book of the Month Club.”  
“Good for you.” Oliver smiles.  
“Sometimes I even take the alternate selection.”  
“I am so proud of you, honey.”  
“Well where we live now has 6 churches and two bars, since I am Jewish and not a drunk. It was either reading or mambo lessons with a bunch of senior citizens. You still in New Jersey.”  
“No, we moved to Connecticut, bought an old Methodist church and converted it.”  
“Really? What’s it like?”  
“Spooky and drafty. Helen has the antiques bug now. Not just any run of the mill New England antiques either. Gothic antiques, I feel like I am coming home to Carfax Abbey and Dracula haunts my dreams.” Oliver laughs.  
“What else is new?”  
“We adopted a baby girl.”  
“Oliver that’s wonderful, Do you have pictures.”  
‘I knew you would ask. Ta-da.” He produces the pictures like a magic trick and hands them to Elio.  
“Oliver, she is adorable. You know it’s funny, I love looking at pictures of other people’s babies but I don’t want another one. Is that a sign of maturity?”  
“Oh, I almost forgot, I got this for Maritza.” Oliver says and holds out a silver compact.  
“She still thinks I go on retreat.” He gets up off the sofa and pours more champagne “Where should I tell her it came from? I got it a jeweler rabbi?” He laughs and slips it into his pocket. “So how are the kids? How’s Michael?”  
“Still crazy as ever, He had this homework assignment to write about what it did on his summer vacation. The trouble is, he wrote about what he ACTUALLY did on his summer vacation.”  
“What was that?”  
“Tried to lose his virginity. He went into great comic detail about his ability to get an erection on every mode of public transportation. The school almost expelled him.”  
“You are crazy about him aren’t you?” Elio refills Oliver’s glass.  
“He is a very weird kid, Elio.”  
“And he really touches your heart, Doesn’t he? Come on admit it.”  
‘Ok, Ok, he is a great kid and reminds me so much of you.”  
“See, Was that so hard?”  
Oliver takes Elio in his arms and covers his neck and face with soft kisses.  
“Mmmmm, what was that for?”  
“This!” Oliver gestures around the room. “Everything, One beautiful weekend a year with no cares, no ties, no responsibilities. Thank you my dear one.” He kisses Elio on the forehead and starts kissing him with building passion.  
Elio comes up for air and whispers “Gee and I just got all dressed up.”


	7. The god damn tooth fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver becomes overcome with guilt.

7)  
They sink onto the sofa with Elio on top unbuttoning Oliver’s shirt and the phone rings. “Someone has a rotten sense of timing.” Elio complained.  
“ It is probably Pete just wondering how much taxes he owes.” Oliver reaches for the phone and croaks “Hello?” He rises up so fast that Elio slides backward onto the floor. “Is anything wrong? Yes this is Daddy, what do you mean funny? Oh, No, Sweetheart, daddy just had a little frog in his throat."  
Elio gets up and goes to cut himself a piece of cake as Oliver continues his telephone conversation. With a side glance at Oliver he wanders out onto the deck through the French doors.  
"Oh, it came out?" Oliver soothed. " No honey, I am sure the tooth fairy will come anyway. I am sorry I am not there to help you look for it. I have to go honey, daddy's got work to do. Does mommy know you are calling? Bye bye now. What? No I don't want to talk to the dog. Bye bye." Oliver hangs up the phone and goes to get a glass of whiskey from the side table.  
Elio reenters from the deck with an empty plate. "So, is that crisis averted?"  
" Oh god, I feel so guilty!" Oliver moans.  
" Debbie?"  
" Yea, her tooth came out and she lost it and is afraid the tooth fairy won't come. That thin reedy little voice, do you know what that does to me?  
" Oh yeah, your cheerful expression didn't fool me for a minute." Elio smiles.  
" Do you think this is funny?"  
" Oliver, I know how you feel, I really do but it isn't going to make you feel any better to keep going on about it. Just calm down, sit down and let's get back to business."  
"Elio, please, my child said I love you daddy and I answered in a voice still hoarse with passion."  
"Dammit Oliver, I get the picture ok."  
" Don't you ever feel guilty?"  
"Sometimes. " Elio replied.  
"Why don't you ever say anything?"  
" Because I deal with it."  
"How?"  
"It's private."  
" You mean you are not going to tell me?"  
" No I am not going to tell you."  
"A thing like this really sell you up short Elio."  
" I think I'll have a drink. " he pours whiskey into a glass for himself.  
"When she started talking about the tooth fairy, ..and on top of it all I have indigestion you wouldn't believe."  
Elio sips his whiskey and says " I have kids too, you know."  
"What do you want me to do?" Oliver asked. "Her sweet little voice...." Elio is glaring at him. " Ok, Elio, Ok, but it just really got to me, ya know. Ok tell me the good story about Maritza. "  
"She had a miscarriage. "  
"That's the good story. "  
" Yes it is, she has enough trouble with the three kids we have." Elio explained. "I love my kids, don't get me wrong but I don't want anymore so I went to the doctor and had a vasectomy. She doesn't know. Your turn."  
Oliver just stares at Elio for a moment processing the information he just received. "What?"  
"Tell your story about Helen. "  
" I already did."  
" You told the bad story but not the good one."  
Oliver lights a cigarette and begins, " Our middle kid Chris crashed into a lawn sprinkler and gashed his knee and Helen drove us both to the hospital."  
" Both?" Elio asked.  
"I fainted." Oliver explained.  
" Do you faint often?" Elio grinned.  
" Well anyway the good part is she never told anybody. "  
"Was it the sight of blood that..."  
"Please Elio." Oliver interrupts " I am queasy already." He pours more whiskey. " I have an idea, would it be ok if I left earlier than my usual time?"  
" When did you have in mind?" Elio asks pouring some whiskey.  
"There's a plane leaving in thirty minutes."  
"WHAT? You want to leave 47 hours early?!?"  
"Look I wouldn't ask but you are a father too and understand." He puts out his cigarette and starts to pack his suitcase." I wouldn't have even considered it if this crisis had not come up. It's not just the loss of a tooth, but she could have swallowed it and it could be lodged anywhere. Have you seen my clothing brush?"  
Elio sees it sitting on the coffee table and throws it at Oliver and it slams into the wall near his head."  
" You feel a bit rejected and I can completely understand but I have a sick child at home waiting for the tooth fairy. This has nothing to do with us."  
" Oh come off it Oliver, this doesn't have one thing to do with the god damned Tooth Fairy. You are feeling guilty and getting as far away from me as possible is the only way you can deal with it....so, go, just go." He goes into the bathroom and slams the door.  
" Yea I feel guilty." Oliver shouts through the door." Do you blame me, we sneak off to a hotel and commit adultery....not that I want to stop doing it."  
"Will you shut up, I'm busy in here." Elio shouts and the sound of the toilet flushing punctuates the comment.  
"I feel guilt, I admit it."  
Elio flings the door open and says, " Admit it? You take out ads and you are probably planning to have a scarlet "A" embroidered on your boxer shorts. You wander around like an open wound crying " Yes, I am cheating but I feel so guilty, so I must be a nice guy. And you then have the unmitigated gall to think you are the only person in the world with a conscious. That doesn't make you a nice guy, it makes you a horse's ass. So just go, Oliver. "  
" I liked you better before you joined the book of the month club."  
"Yes, naive and stupid enough to believe you cared for me."  
Oliver bites his lip and suddenly realizes he has really hurt Elio, " Cheer up Elio, it's not the end of the world. I'm not leaving permanently, I'll see you next year."  
" No, I don't think you will." Elio said quietly.  
" Just because I have to leave early one year, you are willing to give up a lifetime of weekends? How can you be so casual and insensitive?"  
" I don't see any point in doing this if it is going to end in remorse and guilt." Elio replied.  
"Oh, no, no, no, Elio do not try to manipulate me, I get enough of that at home."  
" What is the point of this if you are going to panic every time the phone rings and be racked with guilt, what joy is there in that?"  
" Elio, I have a commitment there."  
"And you don't have one here?" Elio says bitterly while taking off his tie.  
" I thought my only commitment here was showing up every year."  
Elio looks as if he was slapped, "Oh I get it, just two sex partners who meet once a year and then touch and let go. Nice and tidy."  
"Maybe I was kidding myself, I'm human, so sue me."  
"Oliver, I am human too." Elio pours another whiskey and sips it then continues, "Over the last year I picked up the phone ten times to call you. Memories of you kept slipping into my real life and it scared the hell out of me. I was overcome with guilt. I wasn't even going to show up but I thought at least you needed an explanation, so I came, because I had every intention of coming here telling you goodbye and getting in my car and going but the moment you walked in the door of the cottage, I knew I couldn't do it because whatever the price to be with you this one weekend a year, I was willing to pay it. Now, please go, Debbie is waiting."  
"God, I feel so guilty."  
"We all do Oliver, now go home." He turns his back on Oliver.  
Oliver doesn't quite know what to say so he picks up his now packed bag and leaves through the cottage door and closes it softly behind him.  
Elio starts to gather up the plates and glasses and puts them back on the tray. Angrily he picks up the glass Oliver was using and hurls it at the door.  
Suddenly the door opens and Oliver spying the glass speeding toward him, ducks, and the glass sails into the darkness.  
"Goood-ness" Oliver exclaims.  
Elio looks shocked and apprehensive about Oliver's return.  
" I do love you Elio." He begins to move slowly toward Elio. " I may be an idiot and deeply neurotic. I'm no bargain, but I do love you, can I stay?"  
Elio looks away with tears in his eyes. Oliver turns Elios face gently toward him and says very softly " What do you say Elio? Can I stay?"  
" Of course you can, you silly goose but just take my hand and hold on tight until tomorrow comes." Oliver kisses Elio with passion as they sink onto the sofa.


	8. Oliver is important.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver has a problem he hopes Elio can solve.

8)  
Oliver is once again at the inn. The cottage has been painted and a few new decorative touches have been added. The upright piano has now been replaced by a baby grand piano. Oliver is still wearing his raincoat and having an intense discussion with someone on the telephone.  
"If we are going to talk about it, at least pronounce it correctly, it is impotent not impa-tent. No, it is not something you have to "nip in the bud". No I am not leaving Helen, I am on a business trip I go on every year." Oliver is getting really angry now. " No, I am not running away from my problems. Of course I know it is serious but I really think it is unnecessary for you to call long distance to berate me about it. What do you mean, did I catch it in time? You make it sound like I am holding a mousetrap with a bit of cheese on it. Of course I am trying to do something about it. I am going to be under a specialist in a little while, please don't call back, goodbye mother." Oliver hangs up the phone and sits on the bed. The last few months have been torture for Oliver. Although the doctor said that it happens to all men from time to time, he was worried that his condition may be permanent. " I hope Elio is more understanding than Helen was." He thought. The comments she thought was funny, wasn't and under her humor was a knife in his gut. A car stopped outside the cabin and Oliver takes a garment bag from the closet and goes into the bathroom. The strains of Oliver singing, If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake, floated through the closed door.  
The entrance to the cottage opened and a uniformed cab driver entered and placed a small suitcase near the sofa. Following him, Elio, encased in a body cast from neck to waist and his right arm free but his left held at a right angle to his shoulder with a metal bar. Elio tips the driver and he leaves. Elio shrugs out of his raincoat and hangs it on the hook by the door. He can hear Oliver singing in the bathroom and he smiles.  
"Oliver, I'm here." Elio calls and goes to stand and look out the french doors.  
The bathroom door open and Oliver walks in looking like Hugh Hefner wearing a smoking jacket and silk lounge pants. "How are you, lover." He coos.  
" Guess what?" Elio turns to give Oliver the full view.  
"My god, what have you done to yourself?"  
"I don't take all the credit, the car has equal responsibility. "  
Oliver just stares at Elio, incredulous at this turn of events.  
"Hello....Oliver....hello...isn't it customary when you haven 't seen your friend in a year you kiss them hello?"  
"What?" Oliver snaps out of it. "Sure" he goes and kisses Elio quite awkwardly.  
"You ok, pal?" Elio asks.  
" I am just surprised. "  
"You're surprised? You should have seen me as that car came at me." Elio laughs. "How come you are dressed for bed in the middle of the day?"  
"I'm rehearsing a Noel Coward play." He starts moving things on the mantel in a pantomime of a coward play. Elio giggles.  
"Oliver, is there something on your mind?"  
" Not anymore!" Oliver replies.  
"Oh, this "' Elio looks down. "Honey, it isn't tragic, we just have to find another way to communicate."  
"Do you have any suggestions?" Oliver asks and pours himself a drink.  
"We could talk?" Elio suggests.  
"I can get that at home."  
"Well, I can get sex at home too, but I never denied you that." Elio smiled.  
" What was that crack about sex at home? Was that aimed at me? My virility or something?"  
"Oliver, what in the world is the matter with you?"  
"You don't think I have normal sex drives? Well I do Elio, I do."  
"Of course you do honey." Elio soothes. " I come to these weekends for more than sex. If that was the only thing that binds us, do you honestly think we would have lasted for ten years?"  
" You're right, I'm sorry. You come all the way up here in a body cast to see me and all I can think of is myself. I acted like a total idiot. Do you feel like throwing a clothes brush at me again?" Oliver pours another drink with a shaky hand.  
"Oliver, is there something else wrong?"  
" I was just looking forward to a..." Oliver swallows loudly, "Intimate weekend."  
" So you think we can only be intimate through sex?  
" It sure helps."  
" Maybe at the beginning."  
"The beginning?"  
"Well yea, each year when we meet there's a certain amount of awkwardness, but we usually solve that with some heavy breathing between the sheets."  
" Look if we aren't going to do it can we not talk about it?"  
"I just meant we need something else to break the ice."  
"I'm open to suggestions." Oliver sits in the armchair and puts his feet up."  
" Ok, let's both tell each other a secret that we have never told anybody else."  
"I think I have had enough suprises for one day." Oliver replies.  
"No really, you are going to just love this. I have been having sex dreams about you."  
"When?"  
"Almost every night. I haven't had so many nocturnal emissions since I was 13."  
"What sort of dreams?"  
"We are having sex, but it is always under water, caves, grottos, you name it but always under water. Isn't that weird? I wonder what it means?"  
"Underwater huh?"  
"Yea, now tell me some deep dark secret about you."  
"I can't swim." Oliver replies and Elio laughs. "I am really sorry about before, I have been very frustrated. "  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
" Well... I guess I better get into it." Oliver begins, " It's my sex life. Helen doesn't seem to be able to excite me anymore."  
"Oliver, if you have had the best..." Elio laughs.  
" God knows she tries, but absolutely nothing, nada, zip."  
" Has she just lost interest?"  
"She has always had hangups about sex. See only sees it as a means to procreate, a duty, like taking out the garbage. Not something to enjoy. Isn't that twisted?"  
" Not if you're catholic." Elio replies sarcastically.  
"Look there's a lot to be said for just plain old lust. Down for the count, up for the duration sex. To her it has always been like pulling off a bandage, do it quickly and it's all over."  
"Oliver, you have never been that way about sex."  
" I know, and for some bizarre reason my sex drive has increased, as hers declined."  
"Have you tried masturbation?"  
" Of course I have." Oliver snapped.  
"That's odd, usually that works."  
" Are you accusing me of lying."  
" Why are you so edgy?" Elio asks.  
"Because I feel funny talking about this with you."  
"Honey, why?" Elio soothed, "You can talk to me about anything."  
"I have just been such a virile guy with you and now..."  
" You shouldn't let it get you, if you excuse the expression...down. Let's move on to the rest of your presentation."  
" Oh you mean my stories about Helen?" Elio nods his head and shifts to watch Oliver as he speaks.  
" You don't usually start with the good story, you must be mellowing."  
" Elio, do you mind?" Elio locks his lips and throws away the key.  
"Helen and I went to London on vacation, as we were checking in, there was a man standing at the entrance in a frock coat and striped pants, so Helen pushed the luggage at him and breezed into the lobby. The man followed her and explained that not only did he not work for the hotel but he was also the Danish ambassador." Elio laughs. " so without batting an eyelash, Helen says, " Oh you must know all the best restaurants in Copenhagen... and listen to this...he told her. Helen can make a total ass of her self and it doesn't seem to bother her. I admire that. "  
"What is it you don't admire?" Elio asked.  
" That damned sense of humor of hers."  
" Oh goodie, these are the stories I like best. Honey can you pour me a drink?"  
Oliver goes to the bar and begins to prepare Elio's drink. " We had gone to a party and when we got home, we started to make love, here ya go." He hands Elio the drink.." Well, anyway, nothing happened, at least for me, absolutely nothing. You get the picture. It was no big deal, we laughed about it. Then about a half hour later as I was falling asleep she says " Funny, when i married an accountant, i thought his eyes would go first."  
Elio stifles a laugh."Honey, she was just trying to make you feel better."  
" I know, I know, but some things aren't funny. What I am trying to say is the thing that bothers me the most about Helen is she broke my pecker."  
" Maybe it's not broken, just bent a little. So, you're impotent?"  
"Slightly. Now everyone knows, Helen's mother probably has one of those planes flying up the Jersey shore right now towing a banner to announce the news."  
"Have you thought about how it happened?"  
"It's not like a car crash. It was a gradual thing. I didn't wake up one morning and thought oh shit, my junk is broken."  
" How is Helen taking it?"  
"She looks at it as a social responsibility, like not holding your serve when playing tennis or running out of ice at a cocktail party. I'll be ok, the patient isn't dead, just resting."  
Elio extends his hand.  
"That news hardly needs a handshake. "  
"No honey, I need help getting up." Elio smiles. " Let's get some fresh air, it might make you feel better, the rain has stopped. "  
" Let me get dressed and I'll be with you in a few minutes." He kisses Elio tenderly. " I am really glad you came." He goes into the bathroom to change while Elio struggles with his coat, finally giving up with a sigh.


	9. 9 same day in the afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their finest hour.

9)

Elio and Oliver went for a walk by the cliff edge. They wished they could have at least held hands but maybe some day they could but not today.  
Oliver was worried about Elio over exerting himself but he assured Oliver that he would be just fine. They continue their conversation as they walked.  
"Is there anything I can say that would help?"  
"Not really but please don't say "it is all in your head". I have a lousy sense of direction but I know my head isn't involved. Look to tell you the truth, I am tired of thinking about it. So tell me what happened to you."  
"Here let me sit on this bench and I'll tell you the story." Elio sits on a stone bench overlooking the tidal pools on the rocks below. "It was silly really. Last spring I was painting the trim on the house and the kids were playing in the yard. Angie, my youngest was running across the lawn and a car was coming, speeding along, I ran after her, she turned but I didn't. The car hit my right side and I superman-ed over the roof and landed in a heap behind the car."  
" Ouch, that must have really hurt."  
" You know what's funny? I don't remember anything about the accident and nothing until I woke up in the hospital two days later."  
"You must have been really injured to still be in the cast."  
Elio thinks for a minute and says. " Four broken ribs..check. Dislocated shoulder...check. Bruised spleen...check. Broken humorous..check. I was actually very lucky I didn't damage my spine."  
"So how did you feel when you woke up?  
"Incredulous, angry, worried, pragmatic and finally grateful. "  
"Your vocabulary has really improved."  
"Oh you don't know the half of it, you are talking to a high school graduate. "  
"Congratulations, how did that happen?"  
" After the accident I was laid up for three months so to not make it an entire loss, I took a correspondence course."  
"You are amazing, do you know that."  
"Why thank you, Sir. Can you help me up again?" Elio extends his hand to Oliver and they begin the walk back to the cottage.  
"There is a kind of ironic twist to all of this. "  
"How so?" Oliver asked.  
"Well, I didn't graduate the first time because Maritza got pregnant flat on her back and now I did because I was flat on my back. There's a certain symmetry about that." Elio chuckles.  
"I didn't know you had such a sense of order and symmetry. " They arrive at the cottage and Oliver helps Elio get situated on the sofa and sits in the armchair across from him.  
"The day my diploma arrived, Maritza hid it." Elio explained.  
"Really? Why did she do that?" Oliver asked.  
"I am not really sure but I suspect she is sure I will leave her now that I am a high school graduate."  
"What makes you think that?"  
"Little things, she cut up my shoes, she is very jealous of any thing I do. You know they say jealousy doesn't show how much you love someone, it only shows your insecurities. I think Margaret Meade said that." Elio smiles.  
"What are you planning to do once the cast comes off?  
" I am not really sure but I was thinking of cooking school. I would like to study to be a chef."  
"Are you comfortable in that position?"  
"Honey, when you are in this thing, you aren't comfortable in any position. Come on, sit over here." Elio pats the sofa beside him. Oliver picks up his drink and joins Elio on the sofa.  
"So how are the kids? Elio asked while Oliver takes off Elio's shoes and puts his feet in his lap.  
"Oh fine, just fine, Michael got a job with the associated press. " Oliver starts massaging Elio's feet.  
"Wow, that is wonderful, I am so proud of him." Elio notices Oliver just staring at him with a strange expression on his face. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"  
"No reason, no reason at all. Tell me the other story about Maritza." Elio notices that Oliver is still looking at him strangely.  
"Oliver, you're still doing it! What is it?"  
"It's obscene!"  
"What is?"  
"When I touched your feet I started to get excited. I am sitting here looking at an accident victim in a body cast and I am getting hot. It is completely perverted. "  
Oliver jumps up and begins to pace. Elio throws his head back and strikes a pose.  
" That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in months. So I got ya hot, huh?"  
"Elio, this isn't funny."  
"Aren't you pleased? You're not impotent at all."  
"No, I feel like I was just given fifty cents for my birthday and ran all the way to the store and it was closed. "  
"Doesn't this solve your problem?" Elio smiles.  
"An idea doesn't solve a problem, the execution does."  
"So I got you hard huh?"  
Oliver says " Excuse me." And heads to the piano where he begins to play a very enthusiastic version of Bach concerto in f flat. Elio is incredulous and struggles to get off the sofa to watch.  
"Wow, that's incredible!" Elio exclaimed in wonder."Are you as good as I think you are?"  
"How good do you think I am?" Oliver asked while switching to a lively rendition of a popular song played often on the radio.  
"Sensational!" Elio replied.  
"I'm not that good."  
" The way you are playing, you will be exhausted. "  
" That's the idea!"  
" You play to relieve sexual frustration?"  
"Beats a cold shower and you don't get this good without lots and lots of practice."  
" Stop, stop Oliver." Elio calls softly and places his hand on Oliver's. "Come into the bedroom, we'll work something out. I love you and need you too, my love."  
Oliver swallows audibly and says "Are you sure?"  
"Come on. It'll be ok."  
"But Elio, you can't..."  
"I know that you silly goose but we will just have to get creative."  
They make it to the edge of the bed and after a few moments of awkwardness they began to kiss passionately with Oliver hands on Elio's hip and Elio's free hand on Oliver's hair. Suddenly Elio freezes as the breath is pushed out of him.  
" Oof..." Elio says breathlessly.  
"What's the hell is wrong?"  
"I can't breathe all of a sudden." Elio gasps."I have to sit down." He sits down and looks ashen.   
"Oh my God. "Oliver wails " What have I done?"  
"You didn't do anything. Will you calm down?" Elio croaks.  
"I brought this on with my...my...my..selfishness."  
"Oliver, don't be ridiculous. You didn't cause anything."  
"Don't treat me like a child, Elio." Oliver retorts.  
"Will you stop getting so excited."  
"Excited? I had trouble with my sex life before, can you imagine what this will do to it."  
"Oliver I think I might be having a heart attack."  
"Oh my God what kind of man am I? How selfish, how vain. "  
" May i say something?"  
"Nothing you can say will make me feel better."  
"I am not trying to make you feel better. I may be having a heart attack. My family has history of heart attacks."  
"Maybe it's a false alarm, it has to be a false alarm." Oliver really starts to panic.  
"Honey get ahold of yourself, I am in intense pain now, get on the phone and find out where the nearest hospital is."  
"You want to go to the hospital?"  
"Oliver, like it or not, I might be having a heart attack."  
"But we are two men sharing the same room and the same bed. Isn't that going to look odd."  
"Oliver, it is not like they are coming to the cottage." Elio gets up and heads to the bathroom and seems to have trouble breathing, " Would....you...please...get...on...the...phone...and. FIND OUT WHERE THE HOSPITAL IS!"  
"Where are you going?"  
" The bathroom, I think I am going to throw up."  
"Why?"  
"Are you really asking me that??" Elio says and shuts the bathroom door.  
Oliver races to the phone and dials the front desk. " Hello, Mr Chambers, Oliver, can you tell me where the nearest hospital is? No, no, it's my....friend, he thinks he is having a heart attack. That far? Can you get them on the phone for me?" Oliver goes over to the bathroom door. " Elio?" No answer. " Elio, answer me." A loud retching sound comes through the door "Never mind." He goes and sits on the bed. " Hello, hello. Yes I am staying at the Cliffside Inn near Mendicino and I was walking by one of the cabins and heard this groaning so I went in and found this man, who I have never seen before mind you...What? Is that really necessary? Ok, Oliver Andrews. No just a little while ago. What? Hang on. Oliver goes to the bathroom door and shouts, "Elio, who is your doctor?"  
Elio answers, "Joe Harrington in Oakland 555-7878."  
Oliver says into the phone, " Joe Harrington in Oakland 555-7878. Look this is really serious, can you send an ambulance? I have a car but he won't fit into it. No, he's not fat. Just send the god damn ambulance please. Just one question though, can intense sexual contact trigger a heart attack? No, no reason, just asking, please hurry. He hangs up and hurries to the bathroom door. "Elio, they are phoning your doctor and sending an ambulance. "  
Elio renters from the bathroom and says "They better hurry my left arm is going numb."  
"Oh my god, oh my god." Oliver starts pacing.  
"Oliver, you look as bad as I feel, are you going to be ok?" Elio says struggling to breathe.  
"Elio, you don't know how frustrating it is not being able to do anything. Let me help you to the bed to wait for the ambulance."  
"Why can't we go in your car?" Elio asks.  
" Too low and too small. Damn rental cars."  
Oliver lowers Elio onto the bed and places pillows to make him comfortable. He goes to the phone and dials the front desk. " Mr. Chambers, Oliver again, yes they are sending an ambulance..."  
Elio shouts through the pain " See what you get for fooling around with a married man!"  
"What Mr. Chambers? Oh it was the television. " he hangs up.  
"Oliver, it hurts, please do something." Elio pleads.  
"I'll be right back." Oliver turns away.  
"Oliver, don't leave, I'm scared."  
"I know you are baby, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back with a glass of water and two tablets.  
" What's that for?"  
" I read in a magazine that aspirin can relieve angina and stop it from being a full heart attack, please take them quickly. The are coming, honey, just hold on."  
"Oliver I love you."  
" I love you too baby, take my hand and hold on tight. I won't leave your side, ever."  
Elio passes out and Oliver holds him as the sirens grow closer.


	10. The summer of love and war.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver has become conservative and Elio returns to college.

Chapter 10  
Oliver is unpacking his suitcase, he is much thinner now and wearing an extremely conservative suit. His hair is short and a thin mustache now decorates his upper lip, giving him a dour and slightly sinister look. He seems angry and subdued and looks much older than his years.  
The door opens and Elio comes in with an army duffle with colorful patches and badges on it. His hair is extremely long past his shoulders and he is wearing frayed jeans with a colorful rock band t shirt. He says “Say baby, what da ya say, wanna fuck?”  
Oliver turns around and says, “What?!?”  
"You didn’t understand the question?” Elio asks.  
“Of course I did, but it a damn peculiar way to start a conversation.”  
“Really? I kinda thought it was a real good icebreaker. I thought you would be really horny after your long flight.”  
“I didn’t fly, I drove.”  
“From Connecticut?”  
“No, from Los Angeles, we moved to Beverly Hills about six months ago.”  
Elio starts to unpack his duffle and pile his things on the shelf in the closet. He doesn’t have much, which Oliver notices with distaste.  
“How come?” Elio asks.  
“A number of things but the best reason is, I got tired of standing knee deep in snow trying to scrape ice off my windshield with a credit card. Besides, there are tons of people out here with buckets of money and I tell them what to do with it. I am what you call a business manager.”  
Elio finishes putting his stuff in the closet, throws the duffle in the back of the closet and sits cross legged on the bed in bare feet. “Things ok?”  
“I can’t complain, why?”  
“You look kinda shitty. Are you all right honey?” Elio asks with concern.  
“I’m fine!” He goes into the bathroom.  
“Are you sure nothing is bothering you?”  
“Will you stop with the armchair psychology? It is really pissing me off.”  
“I just wanted to let you know you are dealing with the “New” me, the analytical me, sort of show and tell.”  
Oliver reenters from the bathroom, “When did you start dressing like a refugee from an ashram?”  
Elio looks a little surprised at the bluntness of Oliver but just chalks it up to just a bad mood. “Since I went back to school, Berkley.”  
“Whatever for?” Oliver asks pointedly.  
“Do you mean, what do I want to be when I grow up?” Elio laughs.  
“Well you have to admit it is rather strange becoming a frat boy at your age.”  
Elio gets off the bed and goes to the bar where he pours a whiskey, “You want one Oliver?” Oliver shakes his head and returns to his briefcase. “Are you kidding, Listen it is not easy being the only person in your class with clear skin.”  
"So why did you start?"  
"It was a dinner party that pushed me to do it. I was seated right next to my boss. He was talking and I was talking, it was a real conversation. Then I noticed he was looking at me really strangely."  
"Why is that?" Oliver asks.  
" Well you know while I was recuperating from the accident, I took care of the kids?"  
Oliver shook his head.  
"Well, anyway, I realized the entire time I was talking to him, I was cutting up his meat for him. So I thought, i had better get out in the world."  
"But why school?"  
"I felt restless and unfinished you know, just like I was when we first met and I thought school would give me some answers. "  
"What kind of answers?"  
" You know, to find, where it's really at!"  
"Geeze!" Oliver says sarcastically and rolls his eyes.  
"What?!?" Elio asks with flashing eyes.  
"That expression."  
"Ok. To find out who I am outside of my house and kids."  
"You won't get the answers inside a classroom."  
"I know, I know but I'm not in the classroom all the time, the protests and demonstrations are an education in themselves. "  
"Protests against what?"  
"The war, haven't you read about it? It was in all the papers."  
"Demonstrations won't stop the war."  
"Do you have a better idea?" Elio snapped.  
"Look I didn't come up here to discuss politics."  
"Well you have turned down sex and politics, would you like to try religion?" Elio commented.  
"I think I'll try a librium. " Oliver said bitterly.  
Elio watches Oliver with a worried expression as he downs the pill and chases it with a glass of water.  
"Ok Oliver, why don't we go eat dinner? It might make you feel better."  
"That would be a great idea."  
"Let me change and then we'll go."  
"Fine, I'll be on the deck." Oliver wanders out onto the deck as Elio chooses some clothing and goes into the bathroom.  
Oliver hoped this weekend would be the repast he needed. Now he was worried the entire weekend was going to be filled with conflict. He lit a cigarette, stood at the railing and breathed in the night air. He heard a quiet tapping on the french door glass and heard Elio walk over to where he was standing. Oliver reached out and placed his hand on top of Elio's and rubbed it with his thumb and said "I'm glad you came."  
" Let's go to dinner." Elio said and tried to hug Oliver but he turned away.


	11. Fight Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elio and Oliver try to have dinner and Oliver finds out what isn't in Elio's pants anymore.

Chapter 11  
Oliver and Elio walked across the compound to the restaurant in the main lodge. Oliver was dressed in the same clothing as when he arrived but Elio was in a pair of jeans so tight you could tell he was Jewish a shirt that had seen better days and a fringed vest that was suede and moved as they walked. Oliver kept giving Elio the side eye with a disapproving look. 

“Why are you so uptight, Oliver?” Elio asked as they walked. 

“That is another expression I hate.”

“Uptight?” Elio asked. “Why?”

“Because there is no such word.”

They reached the porch of the lodge and Elio said, “That reminds me of when I was nine years old and I asked my Dad what the word “fuck” meant. Do you know what he said? There’s no such word.”

“Can you keep your voice down? So now that you know it is a word, you feel you have to use it in every other sentence?”

“Oliver come over here and I want to talk to you.” They go to the far end of the porch away from the rest of the diners. “What the hell is bugging you?”

“Bugging me? Bugging me?” Oliver said bitterly. “The blacks are burning down the cities, there is a Harvard professor telling my kids the only way to happiness is to become a drugged out zombie, not to mention I now have a lover that has hair so long that from the back he looks like Yvonne DeCarlo.”

Elio grins and said “Ok, let it all hang out baby.”

“I wish people would stop letting it “all” hang out, Guys with pants so tight they look like they were painted on and teenage girls with less clothes on than Lilly StCyr. They should be arrested for indecent exposure.”

“Does that include me?” Elio asks with a smile. “Being concerned with the moral decline of the young is just a sign of aging, there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“We could start setting an example.”

“What do you want to do Oliver, bring back public flogging?”

‘Not a bad idea, start with the movie producers, My God have you watched one of them, the audience achieves a climax before the film does.”

“Sex is natural Oliver, I seem to remember when we were younger, you weren’t a monk about sex either.”

“That’s different.” Oliver smiled. “Our relationship was not based on a one-night stand.”

“No. honey it has been fifteen one-night stands.”

Oliver collapses into a chair and said in a quiet voice “It’s not the same at all, we shared our lives, I helped you through a heart attack, remember that?”

“Remember? I think of it as hour finest hour.”

“How are you doing now?” Oliver asked.

“Very well actually, it ended up being a more minor heart attack than we thought with no lasting damage to my heart.”

“How does Maritza feel about you going to college? How does she feel about this journey to self- discovery?”

“When I told her I wanted to go back to school to find some identity, she said “You want identity? Go build a bridge, invent penicillin, just get off my back and do me the kindness to let me know when you are leaving.”

“So, she still thinks you will leave if you become educated?”

“It seems so.”

“Well, I always thought she had a good head on her shoulders.”

“Oliver!” Elio said with shock. “That was supposed to be the “Bad” story about her. How’s Helen?”

“Oh fine, just fine”

“Tell me a story about how lousy she can really be.” Elio grinned.

“That’s not like you.” Oliver said with surprise.

“It seems we need something to bring us closer this year than usual.”

“I do not understand what you mean.” Oliver pressed.

“I thought a really juicy story about just how rotten she can be would make you appreciate me more.”

“Ok, if you think so.” Oliver begins. ‘You know how she has this funny sense of humor.”

“I take it by “Funny” you mean strange or weird?”

“Right, and it comes out of her mouth at the most inappropriate times. I had signed this client, really old money, very proper and dignified. We were invited to cocktail, Helen and I.”

Elio smiled and said, “What happened next?”

“As we went to leave, I walked out the wrong door, instead of the front door I walked into the coat closet, now that wasn’t so bad, anybody can do that. The mistake I made was, I stayed in there.”

“You stayed in the closet?” Elio said, trying to contain his laughter.

“Yes, I don’t know,” Oliver sputtered. “I thought nobody had saw me go in, ya know? I was in there about a minute and I realized that I had misjudged the situation. So I came out of the closet and the three of them were just staring at me but I could have pulled it of except for what Helen did.”

“What?” Elio choked out around the bubbling laughter Oliver couldn’t see in the approaching darkness.

“She peed on the carpet.”

“She did what?” Elio giggles.

“Oh, not right away, first her face scrunched up, then she starts to bray this distinctive laugh of hers, all high and squeaky. She started to hold her stomach with tears rolling down her cheeks and then she peed all over the Persian rug.”

“What did you say?” Elio asked still trying to compose himself.

“I Said, “You have to excuse my wife, because ever since her last pregnancy she has had a problem.” Then I offered to have the carpet cleaned.”

“Did that help?”

“They said it wasn’t necessary because they had a maid,”

Elio can hold back no more and starts to laugh a deep and resounding sound filled with glee.

“What? You think this is funny?”

“I have been meaning to tell you this for years but I think I just love Helen.”

“You bastard!” Oliver shouts and strides across the porch into the darkness  
.  
Elio was absolutely shocked that Oliver would have such an intense reaction to a little light hearted ribbing and his laughter. Something was seriously wrong here and Elio was determined to find out exactly what it was. It was more than just Oliver walking away from him, it was also the bitterness in his voice. His look had changed too, it just screamed “ESTABLISHMENT”.  
Oliver was never a faddist, it took him a decade after everyone else to begin to wear blue jeans. He would never be one of those fading men he sees on campus with Prince Valant haircuts saying “Chao” to everyone or the gay men with bad Tallulah Bankhead accents calling everyone “DAHLLLLIIINNNGG”.  
This went beyond fashion, to the heart of their relationship. Oliver had become afraid before and nearly left for good but this is pure blind anger, hidden under a bitterness that teased the anger. Elio was afraid that if he did not help Oliver release whatever was bothering him, he would lose Oliver forever.

Elio slowly walked back to the cottage and found Oliver with his head in his hands on the sofa. Elio sat beside him and gently asked, “Oliver my love, when did you get so stuffy?”

Oliver jumps up and said, “Stuffy? Just because I don’t like my wife to urinate on my clients carpets suddenly, I’m STUFFY?”

“Oliver, don’t start that again, it was funny! I am sorry my love, it was funny but it is more than just me laughing at the story, when did you become so “establishment”?

Oliver looks down at his suit and shrugs his shoulders to indicate “So what?”

“I am not talking about fashon, I was talking about the attitudes.”

“My attitudes are the same as they have always been. I have not changed one bit.” Oliver nearly shouted.

“Oh, yes you have, you used to be crazy and insecure and do dumb things sometimes and a terrible liar but awfully human. Now you seem so sure of yourself.”

Oliver sits in and says at almost a whisper “That’s the last thing I am.”

“What? Oliver?” Elio asks.

“I picked up a magazine the other day and there was an entire article on how gay men meet each other. I actually got angry about it. I love our time together and am pissed off that the rules have changed in the world but I got trapped in a system I did not create and societal norms that don’t exist anymore.”

“It is sometimes good to get angry about injustice.”

“I was not angry about injustice but angry over the fact that my mother used to buy that magazine for its fruitcake recipe every Christmas and now they are open about homosexuality, I feel left out.”

“The times they are a changing, my love.” Elio said gently.

“Too fast, I don’t know, we were brought up with standards, sure they were constrictive and sometimes unfair but they were black and white standards, now everything is so confusing.”

Elio gets up and goes to kneel in front of Oliver and takes his hands and kisses them.

“When did this stuffy guy suddenly become so appealing?”

“When you went from pompous to confused.” Elio kisses him and cuddles into his chest. “So, what is your pleasure, a walk by the ocean, another try at dinner, or….me?”

“You!” Oliver responds and begins to run his hands under Elio’s shirt. Elio’s shirt is loose and the jeans waistband is too so Oliver runs his hands down inside the jeans and expects to find the jockey shorts Elio always wears and felt nothing. “My god, you aren’t wearing any underwear.”

Elio giggles and embraces him and says, “Oliver, you are so 1940s!” and starts to nibble on his ear.

“I happen to be an old fashioned…man.” Oliver says in a passion filled voice.

“The next thing you will be telling me is, you voted for Goldwater.” Elio laughs against Oliver’s neck.

“I did.” Oliver responds and Elio draws back and looks at him.

“Are you putting me on?” Elio asks with incredulity.

“No of course not!” Oliver responds and reaches to pull Elio into another kiss.

Elio twists away and gets to his feet, Oliver looks shocked and disappointed. Elio tucks in his shirt and starts to put his boots back on.

“What…what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? If you think I am going to bed with any son of a bitch that voted for Goldwater, think something else, pal!”

“Elio, you can’t do this to me, Not now of all times.”

“Oh can’t I? I’ll tell you something else, not only will I not fuck you but I want fifteen years of fucks back.”

Oliver indicates his erection and says, “Elio, this is a very delicate machine, it is like a Mercedes Benz, it needs to be driven.”

Elio looks at Oliver with exasperation, “My God, how could you vote for a guy like that?” Oliver puts his hand on Elio’s shoulder and Elio pushes his arm away.

“Can we stop talking about this?”

“No, I want to talk about it now!”

“Because I have a daughter that wants to be a rock groupie!”

“What kind of reason is that? By the way how is Debbie?”

“The best one I can come up with in my condition and Debbie is fine.”

“Good, I am so happy for her, but you are going to have to do a lot better than that, buddy!”

“Ok, he was going to end the war!” Oliver growled.

“By bombing the hell out of innocent people!” Elio growled back.

“I am so sick of all that liberal crap, we have the atomic bomb, why don’t we use it?”

“Are you serious?” Elio asked with shock.

“I am serious, wipe the son of bitches off the map!” He slams the piano lid and Elio jumps in response. Elio sits back down on the sofa and looks at Oliver as if seeing him for the first time.

“My god, I don’t know anything about you, what kind of man are you?”

Oliver turns away and heads to the bathroom, “Right now? A very frustrated man.” He closes the bathroom door.

“All this time I thought you were a liberal democrat.” Elio’s brow crinkles in concentration, “You told me you worked for Stevenson.”

“That was years ago.” Oliver said tiredly through the bathroom door.

“What changed you, I want to know what happened to you.”

“I grew up.” Oliver responded bitterly as he threw open the bathroom door.

“In my opinion, you didn’t turn out so hot!”

“Can we just forget it huh?” Oliver goes to the bar and pours himself another drink.

“No, I can’t “just forget it”, being stuffy and old fashioned is one thing but being a fascist is another!”

“I am not a fascist!” 

“You have changed, how could you do this to me, you stand for everything I am against!”

“Maybe you are against the wrong things!” Oliver says calmly.

“You used to believe exactly as I did.”

“I changed, ok, I changed.”

“Talk to me Oliver, why did you change? Please tell me, talk to me god damn it, why?”

“Because Michael was killed, how do you expect me to fucking feel!”

There is a growing silence in the room as Elio tries to process what he has just been told. He has never even met Michael outside of pictures and stories but he feels like he just lost his own son. He finally replies with emotion “Oh my god, how?”

“He was helping a man onto a red cross helicopter and a sniper killed him.” Elio hurries to Oliver and tries to put his arms around him but Oliver brushes him away and goes out the French doors to stare at the setting sun. 

Elio follows him and stands in the doorway to the deck and says “When?”

“What?” Oliver says distractedly. “Oh, we heard in the middle of a 4th of July party. Helen went completely to pieces, but strangely, I felt nothing, not a thing. I thought it was shock you know.” He lights a cigarette and continues, “I thought it would hit me later, a delayed reaction, but you know something, it never did. The only emotion I can feel now is blind anger!” 

He draws on his cigarette again and chuffs out a plume of smoke. “Isn’t that the darnedest thing? I can’t cry over my own sons death. He was my son, I loved him but for the life of me I can’t cry for him. I can’t cry for him because that would be me finally acknowledging his death….Look Elio, I have been on edge lately and if you will….” 

Oliver’s hand spasms and the whiskey glass shatters in his hand. “Oh would you look at that, I have cut myself…..well, if it isn’t one damn thing after another.” He collapses into one of the lounges and begins to sob. 

Elio runs to him, gathers Oliver in his arms, and holds him as Oliver cries the tears of loss, finally letting Michael go, with the one person in the whole wide world, that he truly and purely loved, his Elio, his lover, his confidant, his friend.


	12. 1970 SeaShadows Inn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 25 years have passed are Elio and Oliver going out of Sync?

25 years has of now passed since Oliver and Elio met at the Sea Shadows Inn in Mendocino California. They are in the large king size bed in the cottage they have shared this same weekend for the last 25 years Oliver is doing the crossword in the New York Times and Elio is reading the cooking and food section. Elio is now wearing reading glasses but Oliver keep holding the paper closer and further from his face as he is doing the crossword to avoid wearing his glasses. They both have the rosy-cheeked afterglow of their lovemaking from just a few minutes before. Elio puts aside the newspaper onto the bedside table and says with a sigh.."Amazing how it can be after all these years, isn't it."   
He throws off the sheet and heads to the bathroom.  
"All these years?" Oliver replies " Sweetheart, if you add up all the times we actually made it, we would still be in our honeymoon." From the bathroom Elio's voice says " Do you think that will ever happen?" Oliver turns toward the closed bathroom door and asks " Do I ever think, what, will ever happen?"   
" People like us getting married." Elio said seriously.   
Oliver slips into his jeans, sans underwear and zips them up, " I certainly hope not." He laughs and bends over to pick up his tee shirt from the floor and slip it over his head.   
Elio comes back from the bathroom he is now dressed in grey trousers, impeccably styled and a black cashmere sweater over a stark white shirt with a scarf tied at the throat and tucked into the vee of the sweater.The clothing is very elegant and very expensive.  
" Oliver, did you know that I just became a grandfather?" Elio smiled.  
" No, but isn't this a weird time to announce it? Considering what we were just discussing?"  
" Don't you find it decadent, having sex with a grandfather?"  
" Only if it is done correctly my love!" Oliver replies with a smile. " Anyway you are the youngest looking grandfather, I have ever had a peak experience with. "  
" My father thanks you, my mother thanks you, my barber thanks you and my plastic surgeon thanks you." Elio looks in the mirror and continues " When Maritza says, you aren't the man I married, she doesn't know how right she is." He touches his nose.  
" Didn't she like your old nose?" Oliver asked.   
" She thinks this is my old nose, she has never been very observant."  
" You are telling me she didn't notice?"  
" Pathetic isn't it!" He turns from the mirror and sits on the bed to put on his italian loafers. " I can understand a new haircut or a pair of shoes, but a whole nose?"  
" To be honest, I don't see much difference either."  
" Who cares, I notice the difference and it makes me act more attractive and classy."  
" You never seemed to need that validation of your attractiveness before." Oliver questioned. " Why now?"  
"When you reach forty five you start to get a little insecure about your looks."  
"Well, honey, you don't look forty-five."  
" Thanks my love, well that is the rotten story about Maritza, what about Helen? Got one about her?"  
Oliver gets off the bed to grab his shoes from underneath the bed, as he bends over Elio notices the butterfly on the back pocket and smiles. He finishes dressing as he tells his story.   
" There was this loud party going on next door and Helen couldn't sleep. She didn't want to take a sleeping pill because she had to get up at six the next morning. So she took two of the pills and stuffed them in her ears. Of course during the night they melted and the next day as the doctor is digging the stuff out of her ears he says " You know, these can be taken orally." Helen just laughed."   
" If that's the worst story, you must be a happy man." Elio smiles.  
Oliver slips on his leather jacket and goes to the piano. He starts picking out a tune on the keys " Well, let's just say, I have developed the potential for happiness." He starts playing Good Morning Starshine...suddenly the phone rings and he immediately stops playing. Elio goes to answer the phone and warily says " Hello?" And with just a hint of disappointment says " Oh hi Dez, No it is sixty not sixteen...that's right, a brunch. We have catered for them lots of times. No problem, he sits up tables all around the pool and there is room on the patio for the buffet. Right....anyone else call? Oh ok, I'll be at this number." He hangs up slowly.  
" Does Maritza know you're here?"  
" Nah, she still thinks I go on retreat. Don't worry." He starts picking up the bedroom and making the bed.  
"I'm not worried. " Oliver responds.  
"Then what's with the frown?" Elio asked.  
"Just getting some bad vibes again."  
"What do you mean, again?"  
"When you first walked in the cabin, I felt a certain tension level, then after we made love I felt a certain anxiety reduction but now I am definitely getting negative vibes again."  
" Going to analysis these days?"  
"How did you know I was seeing an analyst?"  
"Oh just a wild guess. What brought that on?" Oliver continues to pick out a tune on the piano as he talks.  
"After Michael died, my value system changed. I took a good look at my life, my big house, the three cars in the garage..the pool...the gardeners..and I thought, Why?" Elio listens intently with a hopeful look on his face as Oliver continues "So I decided to do what you did once and try to find out just who the hell I am."  
"So you went from analysis, to existentialism to Gestalt to transactional to encounter groups to nirvana?" Elio smiles.  
Oliver suddenly stops playing and turns to face Elio.   
"Just because those things happen to be a trend right now does not make the experience any less valid. I actually learned a lot about myself. "  
" You also learned to talk as if you are reasoning with a guy trying to jump off a building."  
"Ok..ok...I do tend to overcompensate for my emotionalism and that effects the spontaneity of what I say, I'm working on that. "  
" You used to have a very tough time expressing emotions. Especially about Michael. I was glad I shared that epiphany with you. What else did you find out?" Elio asked.  
"That behind the walls I built around myself, I am actually a warm, caring and loving human being."  
Elio comes over and places his hands on Oliver's shoulders and kisses the top of his head and says, "I could have told you that twenty years ago." He sits next to Oliver on the piano bench." So how does Helen feel about your journey of self discovery?"   
"At first she overreacted."  
"In what way?" Elio questioned.   
"She threw a grapefruit at me in the supermarket. It was natural to have some interpersonal conflicts but now she's cool, she does pottery."  
"But how do you make a living?"  
"Now we live very simply, we don't need much, and what bread we do need, I make through honest work."  
"Doing what?" Elio asks.  
"I play piano at a singles bar in Encino. "  
The phone rings and Elio moves to quickly answer it, so quickly that Oliver stops playing and turns to watch.  
"Hello...oh Hi Dez. No way! Tell him that is our final offer, I don't care how good a location it is." Elio listens for a moment and Oliver stares with a smile."That's bullshit, he needs us more than we need him. If he doesn't like it..tell him to shove it....don't worry he won't. Anything else? Ok, you have the number." He hangs up the phone."I'm opening another location."  
"It was fun watching the business you, but why?"  
"Money" Elio replies simply.


	13. Lost my wife?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Business and pottery

Oliver was shocked at Elio's response. He never seemed like the type. He seemed to go through life with this kind of wonder and innocence that Oliver was just beginning to experience for himself. Elio as a businessman, that is something that was completely unexpected.   
" So is that why you opened a business, the money? " Oliver asked.   
Elio is pouring a glass of champagne and says "Of course not, I wanted money and power! It finally dawned on me at a PATT meeting."  
"A Pat meeting? What's that?"  
"Parents and Teachers Together. I got asked to fill in as the home economics teacher and discovered I liked teaching cooking to students. So I started a catering and cooking school. I got tired of being left behind. Always one step ahead of the repo man. Struggling to raise a family and dreaming of being able to dress like this and buy anything I want."  
Oliver stops playing and goes to the fireplace and stirs the fire. " We have all been shafted and by the same things." He finishes and turns around. "Everyone is so sensitive about everything these days. I have a female doctor and during a prostate exam she says, " You seem a little tense, is it because I am a woman?" So I said " No, I get tense whenever anyone sticks their finger up my ass."  
Elio giggles, " Oh my God, what did she say?"  
"She called me a misogynist, and said she couldn't see me anymore. So a said in my most dignified voice right in the waiting room. "I let you stick your finger in my ass and you are dumping me." And walked out."  
Elio laughed and said "Helen is rubbing off on you, spoken like a true smart ass."  
"See what I mean?" Oliver questioned.  
"I don't know about that whole women's lib thing but I do know that nobody takes you seriously man or woman unless you have the money to back up your mouth. The business has given me that."  
"Well, it is good to have a hobby." Oliver said blandly.  
"Hobby?" Elio refills his glass with champagne, " We grossed a half million the first year."  
"Honey, if that's what you want, I am happy for you. I'm just not into the money thing anymore."   
"Do you ever get the feeling we are drifting apart?" Elio asks mildly.  
"Absolutely not, actually I feel closer to you than ever." Oliver smiles.  
"Really? I always get this feeling our lives are always out of sync."  
"I guess we all realize our potential at different times and different ways." Oliver replies." All I ask is please don't lay that trip on me."  
"Then let me lay this on you." Elio hands Oliver a check. "Here, it's the money you lent me to start the store."  
Oliver looks at the check and says with surprise, "This is three times the amount I gave you."  
"Think of it as a return on your investment. "  
"Elio, I can't accept this."  
"Oliver you can and you will." Elio sits next to Oliver and puts his head on Oliver's shoulder."I am not going to have a lover of mine playing piano is a singles bar. It sounds tacky."  
"You never used to order me around."  
"As the cigarette commercial says, I've come a long way baby!" Elio laughed.  
"The important thing is does it fulfill your life?"  
"Fulfill? Let me tell you a story." Elio begins."I went into Gucci the other day and saw a silk suit I liked. I asked one of the salesmen how much they cost. He told me $700.00. So I said I'll take 5. He said 5? What are you going to do with 5 silk suits? So I said, Dressing a bowling team. That fulfilling!"  
"So you have everything you want."  
Elio lights a cigarette and replies " With one minor exception, somewhere along the way I seem to have lost my wife." And he walks out the french doors onto the deck.


End file.
